sheet

So, I'm back from a rendezvous night with some of the UC center folks. We pre-partied a bit in Janet's room. I got a good almost drunk buzz. Then I headed over to this local bar called...house? Can't remember too well. Didn't buy a drink because I was quite buzzed. Then we walked around the Bastille looking for a bar but we ended up just hanging out at the steps of the Opera. We ran into some chalk and left our marks. JE NE SUIS PAS CHINOIS!!!!!! We were able to freely express our frustration against the idiots who don't know any better. We came back and the kids in my program wanted to smoke some sheet aka weed. So I hung out and observed for a little bit and just headed to my room.
Now I'm just chatting with the folks back home. Then, I just randomly got a pang of emotion in my heart. My dad. The topic of my father really doesn't affect me much. I hear of him from time to time from my mom who finds out from her friend from Texas who knows my dad. Anyways, turns out that my dad was in Korea the WHOLE time I was in Korea. The only reason why I didn't know this was because of the money he owes my mom. I haven't seen him since my freshman summer of high school. I haven't talked to him since my sophomore spring quarter of college - which was painful. After that, I assured myself even more that I don't need to associate with him. But I feel that in doing so, I'm really unconsciously affecting my life. Well I guess the fact that I realize this means it's not unconscious. Why am I numb?

lingering

So I'm up at 10AM. Woken up from the past two unproductive days, I decide to finally do my qt's. You know, sometimes I wonder if I am chosen. I'm reading the books of Daniel and Ephesians, and I just don't know. I hear testimonies from my good friends or even from Jesse who I met this weekend, and I just don't know. I guess it's wrong of me to wonder why God doesn't provide miracles or speak to me in the way that he does to others but I'm just at a complete loss. I have no direction. I don't know what he exactly wants me to do in Paris other than the general spread his word and be an example of Christ. I really don't know what to do with my future and what God wants me to do. I'm at a loss. I also feel like I get no insight whatsoever and my level of depth can be at such a minimum most of the time.