break free

life seems to be redefined by a broken heart. unfortunately, a broken heart doesn't come once in your life. a broken heart changes your perspective. my heart was numb and resistant because it didn't need mending (so i thought). but now life is taken in differently because these these are applied to mend those broken areas. i am broken. everyday i realize how broken i am. it hurts but its so necessary.

pang

i love listening to songs on constant repeat.
everything seems to be going right except the family issues which never cease. and family is everything. so everything is not going right.

brain explosion

so i've been on campus for approximately 11 hours wasting away. i'm studying for my animal behavior and communication class, fighting to master everything. i honestly think i work really hard and when i don't get the results it ultimately leads to disappointment in myself rather than blaming other factors. which makes sense.
so i was thinking, what is my purpose in all this. how am i glorifying god through this? i honestly don't know. school overtakes my life.
this entry may be a bit everywhere. my brain is on overload from studying so long. but you know, i really want to seek god. like truly. but i'm scared that i'll fail. and i know i'll fail. but i want to obey him. and even though being a christian is hard. it's so worth it. and i only feel complete when i am seeking him and he's a part of my life. ok back to studying. au revoir.